Forgiveness Is the Fragrance the Violet Sheds on the Heel That Has Crushed It.
Breakups can often be messy, and unfortunately not every relationship is meant to last. Over time, and for many different reasons, relationships unravel and end. The breakup may have been a result of one person cheating on the other, lying, or saying hurtful words. It might have been caused by addictive or abusive behavior, health or financial issues. Maybe, a lack of communication and the inability to tell each other how they feel. The list of possible causes is endless.
Whatever the reason for the breakup, usually one of the two people often feel that they have been greatly “wronged.” And so, they cling tightly to their hurt, anger, and frustration. They point the finger at the other person, blaming them for causing their emotional pain. In most cases that person will just deny any accusations and often they don’t even care. Guess who suffers when you hold on to that emotional pain? Hint. It’s not the person who “caused” it.
It’s easy to put the blame on someone else’s shoulders. After all, how many times have you heard or said, “he made me mad,” “She makes me feel so frustrated, I’m disappointed in what you did?” We hold others responsible for how we feel, and therefore, we believe that others are totally responsible for our negative or happy feelings. As long as you hold others responsible for how you feel, you will stay stuck, forever.
The great news is that you have a choice because you control how you feel. Happy or sad pick one. Take responsibility. If you find yourself reacting in a certain way, ask yourself what you might not be seeing, what you might need to learn? You can hold on to the pain, and dwell on those negative emotions, but, know, that if you do, it could negatively impact any future relationships. Or, you can learn how to let go of the suffering and find your way back to balance, peace and well-being.
Sadly, many people are often afraid, or, just don’t want to feel their emotions. And for many people, they simply don’t know how to connect with themselves. So, rather than lean into their feelings, it’s easier to push then away and ignore them, or judge them as bad. All emotions including the most difficult ones, are there to help you to tune into the message that your body wants to hear. Thoughts are the language of the mind, and feelings are the language of the body.
There’s always forgiveness.
Right now, you may be asking. “How can you possibly forgive someone who has broken your heart?” Well, this is where you may have to force yourself to take action to forgive, and this is the best action you can take. Please know, that the act of forgiving the other person is not, necessary, because they deserve forgiveness, as forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person. Forgiveness is only for you. you use it to set yourself free. It is the result of giving up resentment that you hold against the other person, allowing you to reclaim your own wellbeing, find some peace, and take back control over your life.
The inability, or unwillingness, to forgive is one of the most common resistances. However, you don’t want to be stuck in the past as that can only restrict your future. So, when it’s time for you to forgive someone, it is an action that you do alone. It is not something you do with them. They don’t need to hear it as it can only lead to more resentment and arguments.
We cannot change the past but we can make room in our hearts for better and more loving future. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools a person has to live a happy and fulfilling life.
If your struggling with forgiveness, then The Grief Recovery Method can help you to begin to take action and let go of any painful feelings and grief associated with a breakup. Book a 30-minute free chat with me and take back control of how you feel.
Much Love Diane. Xx
It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.