Great conversation with a great group of women. The topic, healthy boundaries.
Many of the women told us that they’d struggled with boundaries in the past, and some still do today. One lady said, she felt that understanding the meaning of boundaries and putting them into her life sounds quite simple, but for her, not so easy to do. Another woman said that even though she knew the importance of boundaries, she had been afraid to actually create them.
Why is that?
Well for one thing, setting healthy boundaries means thinking more about your needs, and for a lot of women that is not an easy thing to do. Many of us are thought that it is more important to put the needs of others before our own, and this is not true. If you’re taking care of everyone else and don’t have set boundaries then you can become worn out and rundown both physically and mentally, which overtime can begin to jeopardize your immune system and your health. For some women when they have no boundaries or very little, it means that they will put up with anything, especially in order to be loved. Ladies, without our boundaries, we are lost.
What are healthy boundaries?
Healthy boundaries are self-respect. It’s not about maintaining control or manipulating anyone in any way, but knowing that it’s ok to say ‘no’ and ‘yes’ when you feel that you need to. Boundaries are the limits that you choose. They teach people how people how to treat you, how they can behave around you, and what they can expect from you. They are like fences, property lines, or markers that protect you, and are necessary for your personal growth and safety. A good boundary identifies what is your responsibility and what is not. Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional, and mental limits we establish to protect ourselves and they are a way to communicate to others that you truly have self-respect and self-worth. Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for one’s mental health and well-being.
How do you know that you lack boundaries?
Some things to look for if you lack boundaries:
You feel like you struggle when it comes to romantic relationships, as you seem to be always waiting around, or there is never a commitment of sorts, everything is up and down and nothing seems to work out for you. In fact, you quite often feel taken advantage of, as things always seem to go wrong for you. Secretly, you are worried about what others think of you and quite often feel jealous of what others have. Or, you’re overzealous and never want to let anyone down. You find it hard to say ‘no’ especially to your aging parents. You are always doing what others want, and after a while it all becomes exhausting and leaves you feeling tired and drained. There’s nothing left for you, and sometimes resentment builds. You have never been able figure out what you truly want in life, and now that your older you feel that your dreams and desires have faded. You struggle with low self-esteem, self-worth and have lost your confidence. You feel like there’s no way you could possibly move out of your comfort zone.
A Few Tips to Establish Personal Boundaries
- Remember that you have a right to personal boundaries. Set clear and decisive limits that others will respect and be willing to enforce them. Setting healthy boundaries is an act of compassion for yourself and
- Learn to say no. Let go of the people pleasing, you are not being selfish! Give yourself time to consider requests or demands before responding to them. Find a healthy balance in relationships and give yourself permission to leave a situation that is unhealthy.
- Establish boundaries with spouses, family, and friends. Especially those who expect you to be at their beck and call. A healthy self means healthy boundaries.
- Find your voice, with your partner. Even if you’ve been married for a long time, it’s never too late to focus on your own needs. If you are feeling suppressed by a spouse, take time to practice self-care and self-love.
- Maintain your independence. Never be dependent on another person as this promotes codependency and that is not a healthy place to be. Have boundaries around finances and be in a place where you feel comfortable with your money. Do your own thing, go out with girlfriends and have fun.
- Treat each other with love and respect at all times. Recognize when the line is being crossed, especially if someone shouts, insults or hurts you. Without a boundary, things can become abusive. So, do not be afraid to speak up, and tell your partner when you need emotional and physical space.
- Trust and believe in yourself. You know what you need, want and value. Or if you don’t then start focusing on figuring it out. Do not let anyone else make decisions for you. Respect your strengths; you know yourself the best, so allow yourself to be who you truly are. We must take responsibility for how others treat us.
At the end of our time together, we concluded that once we get into the habit of maintaining strong boundaries, with clarity, knowing why we set them, having these healthy boundaries will lead us to a clearer, more open, loving relationship with our self and others. Remember, learning to set healthy boundaries is a process and it takes practice. By doing it, you’ll begin to notice a shift in how you feel about yourself and you’ll know in your heart that your worth it.
Where do you need to set boundaries?
If you need support, schedule a free 30 minuet tea and chat. Let’s see where you are in life, and look at what you need.
‘Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.’ ~ Brene Brown
Diane Morgan works with women who are overwhelmed and torn by the aging process and have a hard time finding themselves and their place in life during and beyond midlife. She is the creator of a powerful transformational program Awaken Your Beauty Inside Out: Fall In Love With The Skin You’re In. This phenomenal program capitalizes on her 20 plus years of experience in the beauty industry and her expertise as a certified Master Empowerment Coach for women.